Love, Elder Coburn
Monday, September 26, 2011
In the leafy tree tops the birds say good morning. Good Morning! Well, not the hottest week this week. Francoise, our baptismal date has taken a 180 degree turn right back to where she was. It's weird. She has been saying stuff on the phone that is completely opposite of what she was saying in our rdv's last week. I feel like after such a long time of missionary life I am kind of getting dulled to feeling pain when investigators take a turn for the worst. It's like I'm starting to just accept it and think that it is normal. I don't think that it's a good habit to be falling into. I think that I dull myself to it because I don't want to invest my whole self in an investigator and then be so torn up when that person goes south. I hate feeling sad! But what I'm discovering is that if I don't invest myself in these people, then I end up feeling like an uncommitted and complacent missionary. And nobody likes those. It's exactly like someone that doesn't put their wholeself into a relationship because they don't want to get hurt when they break up (except I'm far from being in love with anyone here). In the end I think it comes back to the fact that this life is designed to be like that. To have highs, life has to have lows. When I choose to not invest my wholeself in someone, I may skip over some of the heartbreak if that person goes south, but I don't think I would fully experience the joy of that person progressing either. It comes down to simply not caring for my brothers and sisters as much as I could. Not reaching my possibility. Also, it is ridiculously selfish to try to keep all of myself to myself. After 6 baptismal dates now that haven't happened (I should probably stop keeping the running tally, right?), I feel like I am starting to pull back more and more into my shell. I don't want to keep being hurt! That's natural right? But was Christ not hurt already for me? The Christ invested His wholeself into us with a love unselfish and unfeigned. Who are we to try and treat each other with anything less than that love? After putting his whole being into our salvation He felt a pain undulled and undeserved. Is that not the same exact pain I feel on a much smaller scale every time that someone rejects His message? So then I'm left asking myself when the storm will be calmed and the waves will settle down. If a low exists, then there must be a high out there somewhere. It has to come eventually right? For Christ it came three days after His atoning sacrifice. He rose again to lead the way for us to rise again -but aside from our personal resurrections, I think there is a key application on a much smaller scale as well. The coldest part of the night is right before the sun rises, and so it can be in our day to day struggles and sufferings. To experience the sunrises of this mortal experience, we are often called to go through cold nights. They can be frighteningly cold. We know however, that no matter what the suffering, Jesus Christ will be there with "everlasting mercy to gather us." That is where we experience the sunrise, the calm sea, or the long worked for baptism. Nothing good has ever come without the investment of one's self and perseverance. I am thankful for the challenges of my mission and for the endless opportunities I am given to give of myself to others. I am thankful for the opportunity to invest myself in Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. I love you guys. SO MUCH.